Labbits: A Legacy

So I bought a top hat recently.


Yesterday I made an amazing discovery. I am about to inherit a vast fortune, left behind by my great-aunt Lady Labbitha von Snugglebotham, who was a very distinguished countess in Romania.

That's where her castle is. I spent the first years of my life there.

Many happy boyhood memories live among those high stone walls.

 

Unfortunately, she and my parents did not see eye to eye on a good many things. But what finally drove the fatal wedge between them was a disagreement over the talents of Julie Andrews. Lady Labbitha did not see what all the fuss was about. My parents did not want me growing up in such a negative environment, so we up and left for the United States within a few weeks.

 

I hadn't seen my great-aunt since that fateful day, so it came as a bit of a shock when I heard the news of her death. I wish she could have met Gerard. I know she would have loved him almost as much as I do. She had always hoped that I would take after my late great-uncle.

 



Lord Adalbert D'ysquith von Snugglebotham



I think he would have been proud of Gerard too. But Great-aunt Labbitha gave me a great many things, not just the hopes for a fabulous mustache. She was the one who introduced me to opera, and inspired me to become the visionary artiste that I am today.

My autobiography.



Tragic as the loss of Lady Labbitha is, I have at last been able to reconnect with my noble Romanian roots. Since my great-aunt disinherited my parents after their drastic falling out, I was named in her will as her successor. I know I'm probably the last one you'd expect to become a Romanian count, but I think I can manage to continue my life here with Mama Emy and Mama Carri, while still upholding my duties as Lord Henry Murphy von Snugglebotham IV. That's why I haven't posted in so long; I've been trying to get Lady Labbitha's affairs in order so that I could take her place.

 

Though it may be quite a lot of work running Romania her estate, I feel that Great-aunt Labbitha would be happy with what I've done so far. While I certainly feel capable of handling this job, I felt just plain silly being so casually attired in my meetings with my councilors. So I felt it necessary to buy myself some new headgear.

 

I shall carry on his legacy with pride.

 

Oooorrrrr I just bought this top hat because it makes me look really great. But I like my story a lot better.

 

PeaceLoveLabbits,

 

Lord Henry <3



 



You Wanna Know How I Got This Scar?

So there I was, perched atop the Tarzan bar, when I decided that I wanted to go on the slide. Upon extracting myself from the bar, however, I discovered that, unbeknownst to me, there was grease in the inner workings of the sliding system. How exactly did I come across this fact? Well...there was a big black stripe on my back.

Oops.

I didn't take a picture of the stripe in its original state, because I couldn't bear to have a lasting record of my shame and indignity. But at least Gerard was not damaged. That would have been tragic.

Fortunately Gerard and myself survived the affair and carried on, although I did have to undergo some trials. Have you ever seen the inside of a washing machine before? Yeah. Neither had I.

I also had to take a bath in some Spray-N-Wash, which did not leave me smelling minty fresh, lemme tell you.  But it's all good now.

I do have a faint gray stripe on my back. As a memory of the whole debacle. I like to think it makes me a little edgier. If there's two things that impress the ladies, it's battle scars....and Gerard.

 

I think I'm still pretty dashing.

Of Tumbles, Theatre, and Tarzan.

The other day my mommies took me to the park, so that I could get some fresh air. On the way, I got kind of tired, so Mama Emy gave me a piggy back ride!!!

Sort of.

Close enough for me!

 

 

 

Then I rolled down a hill!! It was awesome.

 

          There was lots of grass on the hill. It tickled my nose. While rolling down the green expanse, I thought how complex of a system the hill really was. All those individual blades of grass, growing and dying and being squashed by rolling people and Labbits alike, work to create such a majestic aspect of nature. It's funny how we don't even think about the single blades of grass, only the whole lawn. However, without the individual blades, the lawn does not exist. Kind of like how society does not exist as a whole, but as a collective of individuals. Or how my mustache is just a collection of luscious hairs sprouting to create a fantastical work of art upon my debonair face.

 

But mostly, it tickled my nose.

 

        I'm glad I got to roll down that hill while I had the chance, cause I'm leaving for college soon. Like, really soon. Up in that concrete prison of academia, I shan't know such carefree liberties as rolling down hills on a moment's whim. Oh, that's right. I'm not going to class. I can do whatever the heck I want, suckas! Mwahahahahahaha!!!! - ahem. But of course, I'm not trying to rub this in my moms' faces. Not at all.

 

        After we passed the hill, Mama Emy and Mama Carri and I came across this little stage in the middle of the park! I couldn't resist. I had been looking for an opportunity to perform my favorite selection from Don Giovanni ever since I taught myself to play it on the electric harp. My moms protested, but they don't understand the passionate love for the theatre that I hold deep in my heart. I had to sing! And sing I did.

 

 

 

If you listen closely, you can still hear the echoes of the thunderous applause I received that day.

 

My mommies are really good at clapping. It's an art form.

 

Here's the song I sang. I know it's not as good as my performance, but this guy wasn't trained by me.

 

 

I mean, he's pretty good, don't get me wrong. He just doesn't have my range.

 

        After the hours of strenuous bowing, Mama Emy and Mama Carri pushed the crowds aside so that we could make our way to the playground. Some punks were all up on my swings. Mama Carri had to hold me back, so I didn't get the chance to give those kids the ol' one-two. Instead I found this thing!

 

 

 

I felt like Tarzan! Only much more fabulous. Seriously, what is up with that animal print? So last decade. And he doesn't even have a mustache, so he's barely a man. Let alone a Labbit.

 

Little did I know that this fateful ride would change my life forever.

 



 

One small step for man, one giant leap for Labbit-kind...

...And leaping's kinda hard when your legs are as short and nubbin-y as mine are. Well, here I am on the Internet. This is going to be fun! I'm a little nervous, 'cause I'm kind of a shy fella, but I wanted an outlet for all my creative explosions of awesomeness and also a way to express my adventures! With pictures! Of me!

 

Here's a close up of Gerard. My mustache. Oh, I'm there too! Hey, good-lookin'!

 

 

I try to keep my mustache in mint condition. But not with actual mints. Food in your 'stache does not impress the ladies. It's all about the conditioner. Although when I'm feeling fancy I have been known to use gel.

 

 

But don't think I'm too vain. I just think a Labbit is entitled to be proud of his mustache. One of life's simple pleasures, I say. Gerard and I have been together for as long as I can remember! He's like a brother to me. A brother that never, ever leaves my side. Or my face.

 

 

Oh, I guess I should mention that I'm going off to college in a few weeks. Well, two colleges, actually. I'm just super-duper smart, I guess. But what's really happening is my mommies are going off to school and they're taking me with them! So they'll get to share in all my adventures, and meet all my new friends, and I'll help them study when they're having a tough time. I think I'll blend in really well. I may not look that intellectually challenging, but my knowledge of Shakespearean sonnets will knock your metaphorical socks off. Keep your real ones on, please. For all of our sakes.

 

(I didn't want to say this in front of everyone, but your feet smell. Please see a doctor.)